My Misadventures..!

Of course one of the favorite things I've done is go see The Phantom of the Opera today in Tampa.  It's not really a milestone but a favorite thing.... and I don't have many of those, insofar as I do have things I like yet not .. "favorite" .. things.  Things in life, in my life..  With racism, I lost the feeling I'd live forever.  Sadly, after seeing a real ghost at my Gramma's, she acted like no more ghosts and there were .. no more ghosts.  Not even the hidden ones from my little brother.  Not the little things, which I expected would somewhat have to come to a halt.  Symbols of nothing.  Nothing but black holes on this earth.

I ran into an Asian lady, and I had just been half called a retard half joked with and I was so stupid and tired I was upset.  I waltzed around, and people looked at me like "I didn't do 'it.'"  I felt tired and was ready to be left alone driving there.  I dunno why really, I know I had a mad streak, but when I ran into the lady, who was tan and seemed prejudiced I thought, "Got away."  I didn't do anything, didn't try to make this known.  I thought then, "Go find your real children," and looked at white people and it didn't happen.  They literally called me the n word, I feel.  They kinda smiled, too.  Wait, it wasn't even, "Go away," which I think a lot.  It was, "Leave me alone."  She acted like maybe I was something weird as an Asian as some accomplishment and that now I was nothing.  She thought she had my life to torture I feel, now.  I ended it positive and all, thinking snappily, "It's not in it in *blank*"  It just sorta came out.  No one will leave me alone, all these losers here.  That brings me to The Phantom of the Opera.  The Phantom, whom I saw it for, acted like messed up Orlando was good, so good.. and that Tampa thinking they were real Floridians were bad.  It doesn't say anywhere how long one lives  somewhere.  It's all about getting attention from Europe as being a "pure race."  And it was just "no."  I'm sorry, but I think a lotta us think we'd love other cultures.  I myself lived in a different culture than either parent.  I have a lotta benefits people are jealous of and people think I couldn't emulate and recreate the phantom.  That's not what I do with myself, tho, tho it kinda is.. I don't shoot for that itself but to be me in a better way, LOL..

So, this whole time, my dad is driving like a mad man on the inside in spirit.  Just because I slipped.  The show wasn't lame, but the situation still existed, like it was more important.


I will admit I was  not perfect, but I cannot seem to check myself out since Tim Burton and Johnny Depp became famous.  It's not because of me but because of my parents that I would not be considered Floridian and New Orleanian.  I am suspicious of the fact that being New Yorker and Pennsylvanian is trashy in some way..  Something is owed and due to me.  I will not say I am my parents only to be told suddenly it is better to be from somewhere I'm not when I just said that.  I mean, 1st me having blood from PA is uncool and suddenly when I describe it PA means something again for the people who live there but not me, like some trick.  Like I'm not a worthy servant.  Quit making Pennsylvaniers and New Yorkers servants to embody that which  you think is a sorta basic scratch and sniff example to parade while you use us as like simple little legos when we're real people.  LOL, that made sense, but I don't know how.

I sound rather mad here, and I don't intend to.  It just seemed like I was being tricked that I should say something else or that it would take way too long or maybe I just don't wanna fix something this long and meaningless.  Meaningless explanations to me, in a way.  I don't know about bad guys in New York and Pennsylvania.  I went there in the airport, and the men there were very competent, Buffalo, NY.  NYC seems spectacular, maybe a bit agitated, never toured there.  I did land in a plane there and stayed on it on my way to Rochester, NY for 2 weeks.

I just remembered I forgot to add up there that I got my female thing before the show started and it got bigger than usual.  I see it affects my ability to think.  I also got hungry but feel to shy to go out and get something, also am using the restroom.  Water!  Also wanna get this down on my blog.  I don't have snack cracker packs to open up..  I need to be on a diet.  I got off it a bit.  Not just the holidays..

So, about what I think, I dunno about what I'm made of from my parents it being boring in Pennsylvania in the 1950s and 1960s and the farmers before that.  My mom's side I think owned something like a factory or farm on a side.  That's probably what's to worry about, the mentality you can get from Mom and Dad..  I bet you trust people who move to Florida from PA more than me?  I was not even created up north, and my mom is not even from this hemisphere but as white as white can be.  *bawls*  Will we ever solve the mystery of Dad?  Any of us, including us Pennsylvaniers, could be born somewhere like Pennsylvania, and it'd "have" to work out.  It's not a guarantee we won't be!  I just don't think Pennsylvania sucks.  I have a good mix from Pennsylvania and a little from New York.  None from the 2 P cities.  Boy o boy, wait until you look for a city in the NE.  I agree, PA is its own animal!  It's like, okay, I got what I want, should I go?  NY has some issues, but some of it seems okay.  It seems like a class barrier.  They do get mad.  PA?  They are questionable.  It might make me seem stupid to be from a farm from there.  Wait, that is inaccurate.  That is my dad.  Just because I was shy in Slidell, LA, does not mean I am not actually from there.  People want to lock others up as a failure since Tim Burton and Johnny Depp became famous.  We can't further ourselves.  I lived in Sllidell, LA, from 2 years of junior hi, all 4 years of hi school, and some college in the city.  My shyness is getting in the way of me being judged.  I think some people just don't like me.  CA and FL are boring heritage-wise.  FL has nice beaches, tho.  See what's here..  I guarantee you, people from CA and FL have brains.

Um, don't make up more excuses like I was white before and now I'm not.  I didn't make myself tan.  Lotta people get tans, and my skin is usually paler, my face.  My Gramma was white but not pink and looks a little darker now.  She has the paternal Native American indian.  Her mom has Ashkenazi Jewish, too.  Perhaps, my dad's dad was white and from NE PA.  Also, he has relatives in Cleveland, where I loved it so much.  I went to college there twice for organ at music conservatories.

Why do you think Pennsylvanians happen to exist?  And are so hated?  2 questions, now.  New York is like Ohio.  It does have many differences, I bet.  I wouldn't be the only expert.  The traits I share with my dad I copied.  They would be from PA, nothing wrong with that.  He lived it.  I am formed like Floridians scrape to form themselves.  Did you have any problems with Europe?  Cuz with my mom being in a sense "European" or non-American and white, I kinda probably don't have problems with if there is any hope of a difference between the 2.

You know, I probably am so little in know-how from not having a blog all along.  I coulda gotten one in junior hi, a little late.  You know, computers weren't as popular for the internet until the late 1990s.  The formatting looked like a typewriter.

It's not that I should not talk to anyone cuz they'd be jealous.  Everyone wants'em a little Pennsylvania.  It's not about having it at 0 but of having other things.


I have to agree it is better to be a pure race than mixed.  About my mixture, people think it makes sense tho and creates a liveable being.  I'm talking even ethnicity.  I've seen proof it makes a difference.  I can name the names?  Well, let's talk Ricky Gervais.  People are who they are.  They are a part of a race or they are not part of a certain race.  A race is no better than another necessarily.  You will find someone you accept over those who are wrong in the end.



I fear this is how I talk and what happened to me.  If I don't post it, I wrote nothing again.  I didn't realize I skipped 3 lines for this.  Neat?  What is neat to others?  Anything that's not neat cuz then yer Pennsylvanian?  LOL.. Isn't it something special?  Pennsylvanian farming families?  I heard we were Amish/PA Dutch.  That's a more pure culture but not a pure ethnicity.  The evil probably comes from the mix.  I watched Amish ghosts.  Ghosts are a good thing.  They show life after death.  Or torture.  I bet a person could bring a ghost to life if only knew how.  It's how life got created under the watch of a god.

I am still in limbo on if my writing this is not good or not.  I think it is more intelligent and desire-filled than most things.  I'll just say sorry it's not 1st sorted out in my head.  And that it seems to go against the beliefs even of very good people put at the stake to decide what to make of me/it.

So, is this homework done or taboo?  ;)  (I forget why I winked.)